 Anybody who has read
real-estate classified ads is aware that the descriptions seldom do
justice to the property when you see it. There seems to be a
real-estate code that agents use to describe homes. Here are the
cryptic key phrases translated into plain English.
Here are some decoded terms:
“Sophisticated city living":
Next to a noisy
bar.
“Old World Charm": Has some
woodwork. Needs cleaning.
“Contemporary feeling”:
Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning.
“Close to lakes”: Impossible to park
on the street from April to October.
“Picturesque setting”:
Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds on neighboring
lots.
“Wide-open floor plan”:
Previous owner removed supporting walls.
“Updated kitchen”: Sink
no longer overflows.
“Security system”:
Neighbor has dog.
“Needs TLC”: Major
structural damage.
“Motivated seller”: Has
been on the market for 14 years.
“Convenient”: Located on
freeway entrance ramp.
“Mint”: Someone has
spilled mouthwash on carpet.
“Neutral Décor”:
No black velvet paintings of dogs playing pool or
Elvis.
“Move-in condition”:
Front door missing.
“Cozy”: No room larger
than 9-by-6.
“Lower-level family room”:
Ping-Pong table over sewer opening.
“Light, open spaces”:
Many holes in the walls.
“Outstanding”: Sticks
out like a sore thumb.
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